| Report: | Vini, Vidi, Chilli, they came, they saw, they ate! Welcome Sports Fans, and hello to the 2026-27 season, and another chilli challenge, and lets be honest, its all about the C!! First on court, and making his debut for 'Help the Aged', AA was thrust into red hot action against Patrick and although he started slowly a 3-0 result was never in question, even if he set a shockingly low bar quality wise and unlike his chilli the ball remained tepid! Next up young tyro Kylen 'Cart Horse' Calder, fresh from representing England in the U15 and Under 5ft category, he tore into his older opponent, 3-0, boom! and even though he didn't raise a smile or look remotely interested, I'm sure deep down he was a 'happy chappy' :-) Meanwhile, Will J, who was back from his YMCA Village People themed 'squash training' camp-being the operative word-was battering his opponent like a soggy saveloy sausage, "glad you got rid of your vest tops" yelled the ref, 3-0! Ooooo matron! So, now the scene is set for the top seeds and recent signings to take centre stage. First on, Jez Harris, "who are you" shouted the crowd, quite rightly, but boy can he play, hitting a decent length and moving is oppo around the court like a marionette, beguiling, bewildering and baffling, in equal metaphorical measures, I think...3-0! Last on, Luke "The Flash" Bishop, yet another member of the squad back from England Team duties, and wow, can this guy move, like watching the Matrix on fast forward, if Rudolph Nureyev and a T-1000 had a love child quite possibly Luke would be the end product! In a nice, non-terminator, way.. Anyway, I digress, a rather one-sided affair, though you can only play the opponent in front of you etc, 3-0 and Stortford II hit their straps with an early Hawaii 5-0-nice!!
Finally, crash bang wallop what a chilli, Ambrose sets a high bar, says Egon Ronay's neighbour, even master chef reject Matt Delaney was forced to admit it was the best he had ever tasted, high praise indeed! Next up on the Hert's chopping board, Berko away... |
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